Headaches.

Once upon a time, every body hated every body else. It sucked.

When is the time that action needs to be taken? How can such small idiosyncrasies make such a huge difference? When will headaches stop?

         When people are in extremely close physical and emotional quarters with different personalities; this is when the headache starts. People who you never thought you would despise have now become the top placeholders on your death list. Those who you got along with so well now exist in the part of your brain reserved for the deepest exasperation. The descent into annoyance and hatred is a fragile and slippery one. The first step towards aggravation is easy, however cannot be undone with even 20 times the effort set forth for the former. 

This brings me to the point of wondering how small is too small to deal with, or rather what is big enough to freak out about. It is hard to gauge. This is where small idiosyncrasies and little ticks come into play. If a person is really on your nerves, every single little thing will annoy you. A little accent, or something they to with their hands, or even the way they walk will set your teeth on edge.

         This is a very unhealthy way to live my life. If other people have this much of an emotional effect on me, then I am not living a life. I am living a frustration. When all I can think about is the faults of others, and how much they annoy me, I am then living a frustration. And that is not what I am on earth for.

         Two weeks of driving in a bus with 70 guys is showing me how mislead I was. I thought I was Mr. Tolerant. But I’m not. If such little things bother me, I should consider some self-evaluation. I found myself in a position of egocentricity. “I can deal with anyone,” or “I’m not going to annoy anyone.” These sentences are both egotistical and completely unrealistic.

         When I found out that there was a rumour about me traveling the group, I freaked out. But now thinking about it, have I done any better with other people in the group? Absolutely not. And for me to expect others to treat me with respect when I do not reciprocate is extremely selfish and arrogant. As much as I do not like the feeling of being annoyed or being talked about, they are feelings that must be experienced. And depending on how I deal with them can make me either a better person, or more of a conceited monster. I choose the former.